In any marriage, eventually there will be some problems. At first it seems like your marriage will always be perfect because you are so much in love. The reality is that every marriage will experience some type of hardship or difficulty at one point or another. Even though you became one on the day you were married, you are still two different individuals that may not always see eye to eye on everything.
It would be easy if every issue in life was black and white or right and wrong. That is not always the case. Also, often times it can be the little things between two people that begin to cause small problems that blossom into larger issues.
Now if your marriage problems are abusive I don’t think you need a blog post about signs your marriage may be in trouble to recognize that fact. If this is the case then it is time now to get help.
Some signs that your marriage may be headed for trouble:
1. No longer make time for each other.
Sometimes when finances are tight or one spouse is focused on making a new business a success it is easy to get so caught up in work that you neglect your spouse. The “understanding spouse” may feel what you are doing is right and step back to give you the time and space you need. The next thing you know it has been six months and you haven’t spent any meaningful time together.
The thing is that success will mean nothing at all without your spouse right there by your side. Be sure to make time for each other even when you are struggling. You might even want to work on your problems and goals together.
2. Stop listening
Remember when you were dating and you listened to every word the other said with stars in your eyes and an open heart? After being together a while, sometimes one spouse tends to want to take charge of everything. That spouse might feel like the other isn’t knowledgeable enough about maybe the budget or decorating or raising the kids. If you stop listening to your spouse, resentment might result.
3. The little things become insurmountable
That person that you love with all of your heart is starting to really annoy you. They left their socks all over the floor, put the toilet paper on the roll backwards, left the cap off of the toothpaste and got you the wrong kind of candy bar at the grocery store. Don’t they even know you at all? Do they have so little respect for you that they can’t even do these little things to make you happy?
Now turn that around, do you care so little about your spouse that you would let the small things tear you apart? Are you really angry and lose your temper over something that won’t even matter on hour from now let alone five years from now?
You are both right and you are both wrong. If your spouse died tomorrow you would give anything to have him/her around to leave the cap off the toothpaste just one more time.
Communicate with your spouse, that is the key. Talk about why you are so stressed that the little things are adding up. Often it has nothing to do with these things at all. Sometimes it does in a round about way. Sometimes you are so overworked that cleaning up these messes just seems like the final straw. Perhaps it is time to sit down together and divide the responsiblities more fairly.
4. Trust is gone
One huge sign your marriage might be in trouble is that you no longer know each other’s passwords. This either means the trust is gone or that one spouse is hiding an undesirable behavior.
Your best friend in the world has your total trust. Who knows the password to your email account, your cell phone, etc? If it is someone other than your spouse, you are already at the point where you should seek marriage counseling or have a good sit down with your pastor.
5. You stop showing affection
This can be different for each couple but the warning signs are when your “normal” changes. If you have always kissed each other goodnight or good-bye and suddenly you don’t anymore, this could be a sign of a problem. Did you always cuddle for five minutes before turning over and going to sleep but now you each just hug your own side of the bed?
Have you stopped smiling at each other from across the room? I am not talking about sex here but I am talking about intimacy. Where is that special look you use to share when it felt like it was just you and your spouse against the world?
6. Loneliness creeps in
A marriage is a partnership between two people. You should not feel like you are in it alone. If you have become lonely even though you are married then, you definitely need to take steps to reconnect. This doesn’t have to be expensive or even fancy.
Act like you did when you first got together. If he likes video games, play video games with him. If she likes to go shopping for antiques then go with her. It really doesn’t matter if you like that activity. What matters is that you love that person with all of your heart and you want to reconnect.
7. Selfishness
When you were dating you always though about the other person’s needs and desires. You were more than fair and in fact you always put the other person first. If your relationship has changed and you are only thinking about your own wants and needs then how can you even say you have a relationship?
Marriage is giving and caring and loving. You want what is best for your spouse even above your own needs. Remember the stories where one person sells their most prized possession to purchase a gift for their loved one only to find that they also sold their more prized possession. For example: she sold her hair to get him a watch fob and he sold his watch to get her combs for her hair. This kind of love is not just for fairy tales. Love is not selfish.
6. Has one or both of you lost faith?
I am talking about faith in each other and faith in God. Remember those hardships I was talking about at the beginning? When those happen you have to have faith in each other. Your love for each other will help you stand together against anything you face.
If you both have faith in God, you will be able to make it through anything that happens in life.
So fix things NOW before it is too late!
How? Well here are some tips that may help:
- Make time for each other. It can be a date night, an hour playing games together, a walk around the block, anything. It isn’t important what you do, just that you do something together!
- Not only listen to your spouse but also solicit their participation in conversations and decision making. Take their suggestions sometime and learn to see them as a valuable resource.
- Learn to live with the little things that annoy you. At the same time, try to respect your partner and not purposely push their buttons. It all comes down to being considerate.
- Complete transparency in a relationship. There should be no lies of any kind, no locks or passwords you don’t share with your spouse. If there is an item that is ruining your trust such as the computer, get rid of it if necessary. Drastic? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely!
- Reignite that flame. Start small and work your way up. Begin by holding hand, then kiss each other good-bye when someone leaves that house. Be sure to kiss each before bed, hold each other even just a few minutes before going to sleep. Write a note and put it in your spouse’s briefcase. Just make sure the message comes from your heart. Kiss more often. Simply touch more often.
- Put your spouse back up on the pedestal. Believe in them and your love with your whole heart. Of course they aren’t perfect but when trials come your way you will have each other. If you are a Christian, be sure to include God in your marriage. Often we get so busy that we forget to read our Bible or remember to pray. It becomes easy to skip church on Sunday morning because we worked late the night before or “we deserve a day off.” Even if you get really busy there is always time for a discussion about the Bible as you cuddle together those five minutes before bed.
Most important is to recognize that you are headed toward trouble and take action. If it is more than you can handle yourselves than seek professional counseling or perhaps the Pastor or church elders can help. Sometimes just recounting the problems to a third party is enough to kind of put things into perspective for you both.
Now if your marriage problems are abusive I don’t think you need a blog post about signs your marriage may be in trouble to recognize that fact. Get help right away .
This post is meant to be informational only and is not professional advice. If you think your marriage is having problems be sure to seek help.
Leave a Reply